the move to new york, combined with the entrance into my 30s, acted as a catalyst to motivate me to want me to become more: more active, more confident, more interesting, more interested, more productive, more energetic, more imaginative, more passionate, more expressive, more curious. these things aren't simply generated naturally. sometimes it takes help and guidance from someone with knowledge and wisdom to find these things within oneself. and then once they are found, this person can help you cultivate them so that you can become a more fulfilled and contented person.
my friend, christa, writes a truly inspirational blog, which can be read here. in it, amongst other things, she discusses her sessions with a man named brian, who is part life coach, part spiritual leader, part therapist, etc. christa's descriptions of how brian had helped her lead a more extraordinary life prompted me to ask her for a referral. at this beginning of this month, i met with brian for the first time and it is no exaggeration to say that i felt like my life changed overnight - for the better. in our first session, brian and i discussed how although i essentially lead a pretty charmed life - i am overall in good health, i have a job, a great husband and family, friends, i was recently able to make a move to an amazing city etc. etc. etc. - i still can't be as productive as i'd like to in life or work, i don't take on or accomplish projects or volunteer work that i'd like to, and generally i feel low energy. brian took stock of my life in the past five years: i finished law school, took the bar exam, looked for a job, started a new job, planned a wedding and got married, quit my job, moved to a new city, looked for a job, and started a new job. he explained that completing a law degree, getting married, moving, job hunting and starting a new job are all events high up on a list of life's most stressful events. on top of that, we discussed the fact that i never truly "recovered" from any of these events. that's because any time that i sit down to "relax" and recharge, i feel guilty and beat myself up for having down time. for instance, when i sit down to watch some tv after a day at work, here is a typical voice that runs through my head: i should be out there volunteering, doing good for others. that's what would make me feel fulfilled in life. why is it that i have been saying for years that i want to volunteer, but i never get around to it? why does everyone else have so much energy and i don't? what is wrong with me? why am i so tired? i get out of work at a reasonable hour. it's not like i had a particularly stressful day. what is holding me back?
brian explained to me that because i have this running voice in the back of my head, i have never actually allowed myself to fully and effectively recharge or recover from any of the major stressful life events that i experienced in the last five years and that i cannot effectively give back to anyone else until i get myself rested. he said it is perfectly understandable that i am tired and, i have to admit, it was like a weight being lifted off of my shoulders to hear him validate what i have been feeling for so long. until that point, i just felt defective in some way. i always wondered why everyone else seemed to be able to do so much more and have so much more energy. brian suggested that i take this summer to rest up, guilt free. we discussed that i would disengage from any extracurricular projects that i was not interested in and only do what i want to do and not feel bad about it. to me, this sounded like the best medicine i had ever been prescribed and i am embracing his idea to the fullest. in the fall, i will reevaluate how i feel. if i need more down time, i will take it. if i am feeling recharged, then i will discuss with brian how to proceed. in the meantime, i have dubbed this the summer of fun! some activities the summer of fun will hopefully include: a trip to montreal, visits from family, museum tours, a trip to coney island, two bachelorette parties, practicing my knitting in the park, hopefully practicing more yoga and meditation, and free concerts in central park.
i know it may sound elementary, to some degree, like i am taking a grade shool summer vacation. but truly, the aim here is to rest my mind and body so that i can get myself to a point where i am able to open myself up to bigger and better things and make myself and my life that much more enriched. what do you think about brian's advice?
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Hi love! I think this is a really interesting concept that we don't much talk about. I think it's great that you have taken a step to become the person you want to be. I think that we sometimes are so wrapped up in the daily grind, that we forget we make choices everyday. I'm there with you let's have fun!
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